Self - Reflection
After having a near death experience, surviving long-covid. I’ve come to a more open and honest connection with myself. I’ve had to strengthen my coping tools, learn patience and communicate my truth in new ways.
I was travelling alone, when the strange symptoms hit me quite suddenly. And then progressed to the heart. I was experiencing delusions and traumatic memories came to the surface, testing my strength. My mind and memory became blurry. And a question came up, asking if I want to die. My answer was no. I stayed in survival mode. The hospitals were full of Covid patients and I didn’t speak Italian. I had trouble sleeping with the pain and fear, so experienced micro-sleep. It was a miracle I got home. Once home I had to push myself to eat and move normally again. My senses became hyper-sensitive. Seeing nature and tasting fresh food, felt more vibrant and beautiful at this time. Specialists suspected Long-Covid. And I’d experienced an aggressive flu in New York, before Covid was spoken of.
It always felt most natural to communicate through movement, dance and creating art. But I was emotionally overwhelmed and debilitated by physical symptoms. And had to speak, to release and understand.
Through a deeper understanding, it’s likely I’m on the autism spectrum. And this isn’t a bad thing. I choose how I react, what I say, what I think. The world we live in is not built for autistic people. And therefor my dissociation, mute periods, obsession of details are often misunderstood. But I know what I’m capable of, my heart is full and my intellect limitless. I am blessed with life. Change and self-development is inevitable. I will not doubt myself or care what others think.
My motivation and focus for a full happy, rich life has never been more powerful. Feeling 100% myself and human. Perfectly imperfect.